You know it’s always so much easier writing about the good stuff, the fun stuff...so this blog I wanted to look at the things we struggle with. Volunteering can be one of the most rewarding things you can do in your life, but also one of the most challenging, and I think it is this, the difficult times, that you can often look back on and realise, wow...I did that!
I sat here for quite some time thinking of things that have made me sigh in frustration, things that have seen me want to return to bed and wake up hoping things will be different, and in speaking to others is seems that the same things affect us all, we are not alone and sometimes we forget this.
Needing something and not being able to get it, planning something and on the 3rd attempt still not being able to achieve it, implementing something that you think is a fantastic idea and people not appreciating it or maybe just not getting it?? The internet that doesn’t work...emails that aren’t replied to...power that is off ...again... , people not listening, at times it seems all is working against you, the whole world is plotting for you to be unproductive and unsuccessful in everything that you do. That seems a little dramatic doesn’t it? And for sure it can definitely feel that way sometimes.
Firstly, let’s be honest here, none of us volunteers got to interview who was coming to share our time here. We are lucky to have our own space, our own rooms, which is more than some previous volunteers had! But sharing the fridge, negotiating the freezer, doing the “dinner dance” as numerous people go about cooking their dinner at the same time on the stove with only 3 out of 5 burners working, ...and the dishes...let’s not go there! Not changing the toilet rolls, not filling up the water or the sawdust for the compost loos...sounds like any ol’ share house doesn’t it? There is also negotiating each other and where everyone “is at.” Sure, someone could be top of the world one day but this is not going to help the person who is having “one of those days”...really it doesn’t, sometimes their enthusiasm and energy is like finger nails dragging along a chalk board when you are in a different space. It’s great to be together and have each other for support but sometimes it’s great to be apart and this isn’t always possible and isn’t always easy to achieve considering where we live.
Then there are the “3 month sads.” We were warned about it, it happens to everybody, and pretty much on cue at the 3 month point. You’ve been here for awhile, things aren’t quite so exciting any more, things that were charming or funny are now frustrating and annoying. You feel kind of alone and homesick. You miss the comforts of home, a shower, hot water on tap, a pantry, washing machines and dryers, your own car, take away food...and being clean. A pet hate of my own; getting ready to crawl into bed exhausted from the day and realising that my once clean feet have against all efforts become muddy again.
Something that I think is the hardest of all to manage is seeing people, seeing children around you as you walk through the community who could use your help but just not being able to give it. You have to be honest with yourself, you can’t help everybody and if you tried you would probably end up helping nobody. This, as well as seeing the corruption and struggle around you every day, is the hardest thing of all. There are times when all these things will get you down, you will think “what am I doing here?” “what’s the use?” “am I really helping anyone? Making any changes” These are the hardest of times, when you have your own thoughts and doubts plaguing your mind.
But...
...when you do feel frustrated, challenged or lost there is always something to bring you up again. That is what is so truly amazing about life here.
There is always something to make you laugh. Whether it’s Simon’s cheeky comments and big smile as you come and go during the day.
There is always something to make you proud, the children learning, the mamas achieving. Seeing signs that the mamas and kids love living at Kesho Leo. Having a mama come up to you excited about their new sewing creation. You are proud that they have taken the initiative to be a little more creative, they have tried something new like you suggested and it has worked. The mamas coming to you wanting to plant fruit trees, telling us now is the good time, wanting to look after and develop their home.
There is always something to make you feel valued. A smile, a squeeze of the hand from a mama, a cuddle by a child who was once wary of you. An afterhours text message from a worker appreciative of the new thing you taught them today. For Glen, seeing a bearded stick figure featured in a Childs’ drawing... mimi (me)? Ndiyo (yes)!
And, there is always something to make you feel new again. I am forever in awe of the beauty of this place. Waking up and seeing Mt. Meru tower over us, never the same at any one moment. Catching glimpses of Kilimanjaro on clear bright days. Walking through the community and feeling a part of it all. You really do forget what community really is until you come here.
Yes it can be really tough here, but as I said there is always something to pick you up, something that will remind you what you are doing here and help you get through the slumps. My tip: be practical, realistic and expect the hard times and you won’t be surprised or disappointed when they come along.
And if all else fails there are always sights like this to make you laugh!!
(Local men transporting a car body)
No comments:
Post a Comment