Heartbreaks & hopes

When you wake up in the morning here (in the village of Sinon, Tanzania) one of the things that gets you out of bed is having no idea what will happen that day. You'll have a basic idea of what you want to achieve but you are well prepared for it to go pear shaped. You are constantly juggling things in your mind and physically that even the most well organised person becomes forgetful here!


I have been here managing the operations side of things at Kesho Leo for about seven weeks, on this, my third trip back to Arusha. I had been looking forward to coming here for this year for a very long time. After over three years of creating fws with beck, shona, anne and ed; endless planning, formulating, applying, fundraising, meeting, I really wanted this chance to be 'doing fws' full time. Running a professional and fast moving organisation across Australia and across the world (outside of full time work) has certainly tested our resources and reserves. All five of us have learnt a lot about ourselves and each other and it hasn’t always been easy.

Of course the recent heartbreak has tested us some more and I have to say that my heart is full from the strength that I have seen in our team and our organisation as a whole, as well as all the wonderful new people that have jumped on board to help us some more. And now I have been bowled over to come here to Tanzania and to feel the strength of our local team.
I have had many moments where the gravity of what happened here and the loss of Darren, for Rebecka, for his family, for this project have hit me like a sledgehammer. I have watched men cry in a culture where that is not done. I have sat in a meeting with Mudi our local manager as we had to revisit details about the incident, at a point in the meeting, I felt Mudi's heart shatter some more, I heard it. Mudi loved and respected Darren, they had a solid and equal relationship, Mudi said to me 'Kelsey why did they kill THIS man, HE is a good man'. There have been times when I have cried along side our staff here, I realise that I am crying for the loss of Darrens beaming face and his buoyant energy and for Rebecka and for Darren’s family who are in so much pain, but I am also crying from guilt. I have thought about this feeling of guilt and realised that I feel guilty when I see those in the community grieve, these people who have worked with and known Darren, I cant help but feel like we brought them this heartbreak.



It creates a dilemma when you know that these people’s futures have changed dramatically, that we have brought them hopes that they could never have had for themselves and their children, but amidst that we have also brought them hurt. When I think this through I accept my lack of control in other peoples lives and I think that’s a good thing. Yes I am one of the five women who created fws and toiled for years to bring hope to this community, and yes because of what happened we have also brought hurt. But I also recognise the example of a man that Darren was to all of the young men that work for us, they recount for me the way that he loved this community and what that meant to them. I remember that what we are creating here is a place for this community to flourish and the rest is up to them; the hope and the hurt, in our future together there will be buckets of both and that’s just life.

So highlights of hope I’ve seen since I've returned and look out for plenty of these in future blogs cause they happen every day:

• Realising that our 10 Kesho Leo house mamas are an incredible team. Their rapport with each other and their support for each other is beautiful. Being on a local bus with them all as they argued about the price of the fare with the conductor. Rightly so, they argued that we shouldn’t have to pay for full fare as we were all sitting on each other’s knee, two women were therefore only taking up one space. One of the mamas said ‘we kesho mamas are confidence’ (that was one of my proudest moments).
  
  
  
• Being in the village and seeing our mamas and their kids going about their daily lives and realizing that since I last saw them in January this year that their lives really have changed for the better and that foodwatershelter has brought that to them.
  
  
• Sharing in their journey as the build team arrive and continue their brother, father and friend's work on Kesho Leo. Sharing with these men as they pride in Darren's work and in their opportunity to facilitate its completion, as I do what I can to nurture them as they experience their heartbreaks and hopes along the way.
  
• Seeing our labourers building with so much confidence, these 'once were farmers' are now skilled labourers.
• Watching Erin and Corky taking Maths and English classes with our labourers and Askaris (guards), maths includes skills at the market, buying and selling, they are beaming with their newfound practical skills.

Watching our farm at Kesho Leo green and grow and realizing that it is going to be an oasis, we are going to be able to be self sufficient for food and this food will be sensational.

After dropping one of our mamas home late one evening by myself, having to put our beast of a car into 4 WD and get up a muddy slope (I was always afraid of that!)

Taking many visitors on site tours of Kesho Leo knowing that at the beginning they probably expect to catch us out on something and then seeing at the end their recognition that fws lives and breathes the term holistic!

Evening light in the village and watching rocket grow in our veggie garden (!) - thanks to Eve our gardening superstar.

…and so then at the end of a day here in Arusha what you feel is a different kind of tired to anything I ever experienced, you feel spent, physically and emotionally spent, its almost a cleansing feeling. You go to bed knowing there’s not much left to give but then the next day you wake up ready to do it all again.

It's great to be back in Arusha

“Are you crazy?” “Yep, you’re a strange one!” “and why would you want to go back to Tanzania?”

Yeah, these comments might not have been often said to my face when I was back in Australia during July, but I’m pretty sure there was more than one person thinking it. And I’ll admit that on that first night last month when I arrived alone in Dar es Salaam, I was pretty nervous and felt like the same green traveller I was when I first arrived in Tanzania a few years ago. But it was amazing how quickly that feeling of apprehension was replaced with a feeling of welcomeness and sincerity when I settled onto the bus for the 10 hour bus ride back up to Arusha.

It is defiantly a strange thing to explain, and something I will rarely try and do, but to me, there was no doubt about returning to Arusha to continue the foodwatershelter work that all of us and Daz have been so passionate about. Even when I was in my room getting a few things organised to return to Australia in early July, I knew that I was wasting my time by packing and that I would soon be back in Arusha.

If I thought that the 10 hour bus ride was a nice reintroduction to Tanzanian life, then nothing could have prepared me for what it would be like returning to our little community in Sinon. I felt spoilt, but very honoured to be the first fws volunteer to return after our sudden departure. The June 30th events had not only left the community reeling with shock, anger and sadness for our loss of Darren, but had left them very uncertain about their future. Mama’s and children who had been promised an offer of a better chance in life, men who had been offered secure income and training, and a community that were building a community centre to be proud of – all saw these faltering. Would the Kesho Leo common room and community centre that Daz and the men had worked so hard on be left almost finished? Would the mama’s and children return to their uncertain, vulnerable lives? Would all those Tanzanian-Western relationships and friendships be lost? There were so many uncertainties and fears that have only been recently eased by our return.

Those first couple of days in the community were amazing and honestly one of the best days of my life. There is always doubt that you can make a difference to peoples lives, but after the past month there is no doubt in my mind. There were many tears at our return both in happiness and also that enduring sense of loss for Daz. There were so many handshakes, greetings and welcomes, despite the fact that my grasp of Kiswahili hadn’t improved. There were hugs from the mama’s and I couldn’t believe that Elizabeth and Maswai would be so happy when I asked if they wanted to return to work to wash my dirty clothes – something that to them was a sign of our return and a return to some income, despite the fact that to me it now feels like paying a friend to do my chores.

A Sunday afternoon spent having a few quiet sparkling ales with Nalasco and his family included 5 year old Privitas entering the house with a framed photo of Daz and proudly stating – “Number One”. A couple more ales later and the neighbouring grandmother entered the house complaining about her lazy husband, and spotting me, stopped in her tracks, gave me a big hug and then went into a long narrative of how Daz had once helped her climb into the back of our ute for a lift to town. Yep, the complaining soon started again, but was later disturbed when she returned with a beer for me – a big honour when you compare the price of beer with the local farmers’ income.

And this is what the past six weeks have been like. Yes, the dynamics of our project have been a little different during this time, but ever so slowly they are getting back on track. Mama’s lessons are back in full-swing with English, parenting and environmental lessons. The labourers are more passionate about their work and prouder than ever, attending free maths and English classes, and feeling more like friends every day. Eve, my new permaculture volunteer, has been doing a great job working with Elvis and the mamas to get our first farm green and productive rather than just having a lot of holes dug. And finally a new building team have returned and generated such a positive feeling on their third day on site when the two shipping containers were lifted into place in front of a large crowd of mama’s, labourers and neighbours, signifying the recommencement of building.

Yep, this place will never be the same without Daz around and at least for the short-term, many of the project, community and volunteer dynamics have changed, but it is still amazing to be back. More than ever we feel part of the community here and I don’t know whether I have ever felt so welcome. More than ever things are looking positive for the future.



Rob Cork
fws environmental engineer
robert.cork@foodwatershelter.org.au

fws Australia -strong as ever

Hello and thanks for reading the first of many fws Australia blogs - if you don’t know me, my name is Shona (I also answer to shoney, shones, pony and shonabanana) and I am the Acting President of foodwatershelter

Last Sunday was Father’s day in Australia and I took the opportunity to thank my brilliant Dad (yes, who lives in Banana Shire C.Q) for the entrepreneurial streak that he has passed on to all of his sons and daughters. He is such a smart man - not afraid to take risks and works so hard.

I have believed for a while now, that success is not measured by money but by the achievement of your personal goals and the impact that you have on others on a day-to-day basis.

I know that my Dad is proud of what I do.
There is no personal financial gain to report - not a sausage, but founding and managing an organisation with Beck, Kelsey, Anne and Ed, while working full time rates pretty high I reckon. As for the impact fws has on others? Well, I will let the current Tanzanian team tell you all about that. If I start describing my love for the people of Sinon, how they make the most of everything regardless of their obvious hardships and the beauty of the village itself, you may well nod off or at the very least log off.

So, the central message of this blog is to let anyone reading know that
- fws Australia remains as strong as ever!
We are minus one VIP for a few months but we are so proud that Beck is taking the break that we all hoped she would. The last 2 months have been life at it’s toughest for many but as Darren’s mum, Mrs Stratti, explained to me on the day of Daz’s funeral, “ You can’t hide from life”. foodwatershelter has always been fuelled by strength and continues to be so.

With any changes in structure to an organisation comes ‘hand overs’ and what a massive job this has been. This eye-ball-bleeding work has been made a little sweeter by the fws magic….yeah, stay with me- no voodoo here…… The truth is, that over the last 3 years whenever there was a need for more professional foodwatershelter volunteers, they just appeared.

When the team discussed the next phase of fws, we knew that we would need some pretty sensational people to come on board and come they did.
HR/ideas people/ volunteer managers/shipping container coordinators/ fundraising managers/ membership coordinators/accountants……....the list goes on.

It is hard to believe that I have never met some of these people (the fact that we live in different states does explain a bit) but we are a team and there is an unspoken connection that exists between us. Those unfamiliar with fws probably wouldn’t realise that when the regular working day ends, the fws management comes to life. The little green lights of g-mail begin to shimmer, as one by one the team across Australia log on to their computers and begin the work. I may not know all of these volunteers’ faces but I recognise their passion; I know their drive and I understand their commitment to helping others.

I know that when I am in Tanzania I feel so supported by those at home. It is an absolute privilege to pay back the favour and eat yet another meal in front of the computer for those currently working in Africa and giving all they can.

Cheers
S

Eve's Day...

The place here is positively humming with activity, there is a team of workers digging out the foundations for hut number three - a new building to accomodate four single rooms for volunteers. (I am very excited to be one of those to score a room in this hut as it is nestled into the shady garden with lots of spots for favorite plants such as fragrant ginger lillies and such...but, anyway, that will come later)


Aggie's in the kitchen cooking up a storm, boiling up some beans to add to the colourful mamas salad, which gets served up to mamas and kids after their classes in the afternoons, and cooking i-don't-know-what glorious dish for us to feast on for lunch. She has one of our new torch/radios (Whose usefulness is blitzed only by my own trusty lighter/clock/torch - another african purchase, which no one else seems to get quite as excited about, despite the fact that it is also fluro and has glittery bits) blaring with a local radio station and outside the kitchen a few fellas are breaking up the rock that will soon be used in the foundations. The radio is drowned out in bursts by the generator and the odd power tool here and there. Don occasionally rushes past in a blur, trusty toolbag on hip, he is working with still more men on the carpentry in huts one and two.



As for me, I have started the morning with a bit of admin, checking emails, checking some info I have on natural pest control (Tomato seedlings have just been discovered by an army of opportunistic 'wadudu'*, damn) and have been convinced to write a small contribution to our blog spot before I head off into the spring sunshine, it is spring now isn't it? to Kesho Leo to spend the rest of the day planting banana palms, mulching our watermelon seedlings, starting a new compost heap and supervising the progress on our aquifer.

Ahhhh...it's a hard life!

* "Wadudu" - Swahili for bugs!

Posted by: Eve, our Environmental Sustainability Supervisor